


Not One to Choose

by nubianamy



Series: Just Tell Me What You Want Me To [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Bros helping bros, Cheating, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nubianamy/pseuds/nubianamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if bros helping bros isn't enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I knew there had to be more to this story, but it's a lot less PWP and a lot more angsty. Sorry, that's the way it had to be. Complete now, but there could easily be more smutty chapters in the series if I get requests for them.
> 
> -amy

 

When Ryder slid into the bench next to him in the cafeteria the next day, Jake couldn't help thinking Ryder was sitting a little closer to him than he usually did. It might have been his imagination, borne from the hyper-awareness that came after spending two and a half hours fooling around with somebody. Jake really couldn't tell at this point.

Ryder crossed his arms and nodded his head across the cafeteria. "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

Jake followed his gaze and focused on Sam unwrapping a package of Little Debbie Peanut Butter Crunch bars. He was grinning at Blaine when he passed him one.

"What?" said Jake.

" _What_  what? Are you serious? Okay, first of all, since when does Sam put that kind of crap into his body? Ever? And second, just  _look_  at them." He chuckled. "They totally did stuff. New stuff."

Jake squinted at the pair, watching them laugh, the way Sam's eyes lingered on Blaine's lips, sliding around the margins of the snack bar. He shivered involuntarily. "You think so?"

"If not yesterday, then recently." Ryder tilted his head and nodded. "Yeah. Something changed. I wouldn't have any idea what, without asking, but... yeah."

Jake shifted a little on the bench. He wasn't sure if his intention was to move closer to Ryder or to move further away from him, but when he ended up closer, he decided not to try to change it again. Ryder would probably read something into it, and he didn't want him to do that. "You always thought they were doing stuff, though. Bros helping bros, right?"

"No, I know, but this is different.  _More._ " He wasn't taking his eyes away from the two of them, but Ryder's hand moved to lightly tap Jake's arm. "I mean, look at that. They're having freaking eyesex and giving each other virtual blowjobs in the middle of the cafeteria."

Jake disguised his sudden inhalation behind a cough. "You don't think you're reading too much into it?"  _Considering what we did yesterday?_  He watched Sam bite off a piece of peanut butter bar, and the way Blaine looked away, smiling. That did appear to be a blush.

"Uh,  _no."_  Ryder snorted. "You think I haven't been watching them every day already?"

He had a point. "No, okay," Jake admitted. "But Sam's still with Brittany. I don't think she'd be okay with him cheating on her. If it's not just bros helping bros, it's cheating."

"Maybe they have an agreement. I mean, maybe they  _could._  If Britt was okay with that. If..."

Jake suddenly realized exactly how jumpy Ryder was being, how hard Ryder's fingers were gripping his own biceps. He bit his lip before sliding his hand under the table and resting it on Ryder's thigh. Ryder's movement stilled. Jake was pretty sure he stopped breathing.

"If Britt was okay with that," Jake said, his voice low, "you think Blaine would be okay with it, too? That kind of agreement?"

Ryder let out his breath slowly. Jake could feel Ryder's thigh quivering under his palm. "I... I think..." He glanced down at Jake's hand, just for a moment. "I think Blaine likes Sam too much _not_  to be okay with that kind of agreement."

He caught the sound of Blaine laughing out loud at something Sam said, while Sam continued grinning. He stuffed the cellophane wrapper into Blaine's shirt pocket one finger-poke at a time. Jake thought Blaine looked, right at that moment, like he might be about as happy as he'd ever been.

"Yeah," he murmured. "I guess I can see that."

Ryder's focus stayed on Blaine and Sam, but his hand dropped to his lap, the backs of his fingers brushing against Jake's knuckles. Jake guessed it might be strange for a touch like that to make him feel so much, but he was in no position to deal with the layers of meaning there, not in the middle of the cafeteria. He just let his fingers interlace with Ryder's and held on tight.

"God," Ryder whispered.

Jake leaned his arm against Ryder's, a kind of nonverbal  _I know, right?_  He hoped Ryder got it.

"She might not, though. Um. Britt." Jake heard his own voice come out a little higher than usual. He could feel how sweaty his hand was getting, but he wasn't going to let go. "She might not be okay with it?"

Ryder dropped his eyes to the table. "... yeah."

_Meaning we couldn't do this anymore. Because of feelings._ He wanted to be angry at the fucking feelings, to be pissed that they might be messing things up for him and for his bro, his best friend, but no matter how he reached for the anger, it just kept slipping away, lost in the pool of warmth that was Ryder's hand holding his. There wasn't a guy in the world who would understand that, other than Ryder.

_Except, maybe, there might be._  He gave Ryder's hand a squeeze. "I think we should talk to them."

Ryder glanced up at Jake, looking less startled than he'd expected. "Blaine or Sam?"

"Yeah. I mean, both. Each of us, to one of them. To see if... I don't know. Maybe they might have some advice."

"Yeah," Ryder agreed. "I could do that. Talk to... to Blaine."

"After school?"

"Today. No time like the present, right?"

The unspoken third person they needed to talk to was not named, but Jake was pretty sure she would need to be, soon - and, as her boyfriend, that he'd be the one nominated to do the talking. Still (he rationalized), at the moment, nothing had really changed. And Jake wasn't going to grope between Ryder's legs to find out, but he suspected that he wasn't the only one who could use a little help from his bro. He squeezed Ryder's hand again. "Want some company after you guys talk?"

"Definitely," Ryder exhaled.

It was only a little nervewracking for Jake to stop Sam in the hallway and say, "Hey, man... um, you got a little time after school today? I need some advice."

Sam seemed pleased by the request. Jake shouldn't have expected any less from him, really, because Sam was pretty awesome. He never made Jake feel less-than for being a sophomore, and his smile was reassuring. "You think we could combine the talking with some lifting, or would that be too public a setting for what you want to talk about?"

Jake decided it probably wouldn't be. Sam in the weight room was kind of him in his natural habitat, and even if there were other guys working out, Jake could keep his voice down. It would have the added bonus of being a public enough setting that, if they'd been totally off-base about what Sam and Blaine had been doing together, that there would be no way Sam could deck him. "I think I can deal with that degree of public," he said, clapping him on the shoulder. "Thanks."

Ryder texted him as they slid into their seats for sixth hour:  _me and blaine r gonna get coffee after shool._

That actually made Jake more nervous than the idea of talking to Sam. Maybe it was because Blaine was... well,  _Blaine_ , who was kind of the equivalent of legendary. Jake didn't think he was ever going to  _not_  be a little fangirly about him.

_I've got a convo with Sam in the weight room,_  he replied.

Ryder shot him a quick, anxious glance across the room.  _what about marley?_

Jake didn't have time to respond to that before Mr. Turner made them put their phones away, but he supposed he was glad Ryder had brought it up first. And it also wasn't much of a surprise, considering the way Ryder had handled Valentine's Day. Ryder cared about Marley, too. He didn't want to hurt her any more than Jake did.

But this was the thing. This was the big, big thing. Because if it wasn't bros helping bros, it was feelings. And no matter how many times Ryder had made it clear he was kind of maybe probably having feelings about Jake, he'd been cool enough not to bring them up. He'd let this go on as bros helping bros, because that's what it was  _supposed_  to be. And Jake didn't know how to make that match up with the holding-hands-under-the-table feelings he was absolutely definitely positively having about Ryder.

Jake didn't do more than give Ryder an encouraging smile after class, because that was about all he thought he could handle at the moment. By the time he got to the weight room, though, and had changed into his gym clothes, and had given himself a couple internal pep talks, he was ready. He could man up and do this.

The actual words, though. It was impossible to know which ones to use. Jake was still waffling between  _I have a thing for my best friend_  and  _Ryder and I have this arrangement_  when Sam caught his eye and said, "So...?"

"You know how Blaine's in love with you?" he blurted. Sam paused, looked like he was about to respond, then closed his mouth while he set up his weights on the bar. Jake went on, trying not to panic. "Not - that that's a problem. I know you're cool with him, just the way he is."

"I am," Sam agreed. "And I thought you were, too?"

"I am! Really, I am. Blaine's beyond cool. Just... well. Ryder, he kind of... he has the same thing going on."

Sam's expression registered understanding. "About Marley."

Jake felt his own cheeks go hot. "No, about... me."

"Oh." Sam blinked. "Shit, really?"

"I think so. I mean... yeah." He could barely make himself meet Sam's eyes, but he managed it somehow. Sam wasn't smiling, but he wasn't looking away, either. In fact, he was kind of staring at Jake, as though he were searching for something.

"So..." Sam blew out a breath between his lips. "Wow. You guys have talked about this?"

"Kind of. We've been... um. For the past couple weeks, we've been..." Jake watched Sam's eyes widen as he spoke.

"You've been cheating on Marley with Ryder?"

"Not cheating!" Jake begged. "I swear, it wasn't. It was about bros helping bros. I thought it was, anyway. And now..." He trailed off, feeling helpless to explain.

He kind of expected Sam to start berating him.  _This is not cool, man,_  or maybe  _Marley deserves better._  Which he already knew. But Sam was oddly silent. He did a set of reps while Jake messed with the free weights.

"We actually got the idea from Blaine and Kurt," he added. Sam gave him an oblique look.

"What idea?"

"Bros helping bros. Like, what they did at Mr. Schue's wedding?"

"Huh. That's actually a thing?"

_It is now?_  Jake almost said, but he didn't, because it was suddenly, embarrassingly clear that it actually wasn't. He felt kind of stupid now, the way they'd been speculating about Blaine and Sam, because of course Sam wouldn't cheat on Britt, while he -

He was  _cheating on Marley with Ryder._

"Actually, I should probably -" he said, grabbing for his stuff and gesturing apologetically at the door. Sam nodded, appearing distracted.

"Catch you tomorrow, man."

Jake almost got on his bike and headed straight for Marley's house, but he knew that was only one part of the problem. He was going to need to clear things up with Ryder first. He could hear the words in his head as he pumped faster down the hill toward the cul-de-sac where Ryder's sprawling yellow house sat:  _we can't do this. However this started, it's cheating now, and I'm not going to do that to Marley._

But the words wouldn't come out when Ryder opened the door and found Jake standing on his front porch, out of breath from riding his bike too fast. He looked surprised.

"Uh... Blaine just left."

Jake nodded. It made sense that Blaine had given him a ride home from the coffee place. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. My sisters are -"

"How do you feel about me?"

Ryder's arm, gesturing upstairs, dropped limply to his side. He wasn't quite making eye contact with Jake, and Jake decided that sucked. He stepped right into Ryder's line of vision, bobbing to draw focus.

"I have to know," Jake insisted. "It matters. It's - it's everything. And whatever it is, it's okay, I just... I need to know."

"Hey, man," Ryder protested, but it was feeble. He took a step back, leaning up against the railing, and glanced desperately down the empty hallway.

"Did Blaine tell you? That he and Sam aren't doing anything?" Jake reclaimed the distance between them with his own step, brushing Ryder's chest with his own in a gesture that could have implied a challenge if his nipples hadn't been so goddamn hard. "They're not. Sam was completely confused by my question."

Ryder laughed uneasily. "Yeah. Blaine gave me a fucking five-minute sermon on straight-but-not-narrow, and how he'd never push Sam to do anything like that. And then I told him about you and me and our agreement, and he got all red in the face and completely ran out of words and decided he'd better go."

Jake considered Sam's own cryptic reaction, but he wasn't going to let the thought distract him. "So we're out of luck. Nobody's going to give us advice except us. Which is why I'm here instead of at Marley's, confessing my sins."

Ryder bit his lip. "You really think we did something wrong?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

Jake placed a hand on Ryder's sternum. "On what's actually going on here. Are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to kick your ass?"

Ryder smirked. His own face was looking mighty pink. "You really think that's gonna force me to be honest?"

"Works on TV," Jake said, keeping his gaze steady on Ryder. "Just tell me. I can take it."

"You sure?" he said hoarsely. "You think I don't know this was supposed to be bros helping bros?"

Jake took a long breath, watching the fluttering pulse in Ryder's neck. "I think I know it wasn't, for you. Kind of not ever. So, what, did you think this was as good as you were gonna get? That I wouldn't listen to you if you told me..."

"If I told you what?" Ryder was whispering now, but that didn't matter, because Jake was about two inches away from his face, and he wasn't going to stop until he got his answer.

"If you told me you were in love with me."

"I wasn't even thinking about being in love with you." Ryder gave him a brittle smile. "Not when we started."

Jake let his eyes close. "So we have been cheating."

Ryder's hands came up suddenly and seized Jake's shoulders. It startled him, and he tried to step back, but the vehemence in Ryder's face was even more shocking. Ryder got angry sometimes, but this wasn't anger. He almost looked scared.

"I don't know," he said under his breath, "I don't know what we're doing, and I hate the idea of hurting Marley, I  _hate_  it, and - and I still can't stop. I can't stop wanting you, all the fucking time."

"It's okay," Jake tried to say, but Ryder was too worked up to stop.

"It's  _not_  okay!" he hissed. His eyes were wide and desperate. "It doesn't matter what we do, because somebody's going to get hurt. I've been trying to figure out what to do, but there's no good answer. Either you tell her and she dumps you, or you tell her and she talks you into stopping with me. Tell me what's better."

Jake gave up on worrying about Ryder's sisters. They could deal, whatever they saw, it wasn't going to scar them. He wrested his arms out from under Ryder's strong grip and wrapped them around his ribs, holding him tight, feeling the pounding of Ryder's heart against his chest. His cheek resting against Ryder's face was wet. He tried to make his voice soothing, but it came out jagged, and he had to fight for each word.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do either. But I don't want to stop this. I don't. You're my best friend, and I need - I need this. Okay? I don't want to stop, no matter what Marley says. I need you more than I need her to be happy."

Ryder's hand had crept up to rest on the back of Jake's head. Jake could feel it shaking. He sniffed, and realized the dampness on Ryder's face was coming from him.

"But you love her," insisted Ryder. "You said."

He exhaled. "I do," he agreed dully. "I'm not gonna lie to you. I think this is going to suck."

Ryder's hand tightened on his head. "And you still want to...?"

"Yeah." Now he was the one whispering. "You?"

Ryder's response was to shift his hands to Jake's moist cheeks and kiss him. Jake managed to muffle most of the sounds that threatened to come out, but he hung on to Ryder as long as he could, hoping that the response to his kiss would convey something of what he couldn't say out loud.  The questions were there:  _What does this mean? What about at school? How are we going to handle Glee?_ But none of it was as important as this, what their bodies were saying, lips all over, and how Jake knew he couldn't let it go.  

"I'm going over there now," he said against Ryder's jaw.  He felt Ryder's nod, heard him sigh.  

"You want me to come with you?"

Jake cracked an improbable grin.  "I doubt Marley'd want to see my hands all over you right now.  That's about where I am."

"Yeah."  Ryder's hand slipped between them, resting on Jake's fly.  "You want me to take care of that before you go, then?"

He laughed.  "Take some of the pressure off, is that what you're saying?"

"That's what this was supposed to be about all along, wasn't it?"  Ryder's hand was still, waiting.  It was unexpectedly touching, and Jake blinked away further tears.  He already felt like he was euthanizing his pet or something.  

"I think the guilt would get to me too much, at this point.  Now that I --"  He shrugged, stepping away, and Ryder let him go.  He nodded silently.  "Okay.  I'll call you after we talk."

"I'll be here, if you want to come over."  Ryder gave him a half smile, not even trying to be subtle about adjusting himself.  They were still standing in the front hallway.  Jake just turned around, hurrying down the steps, and got back on his bike before he could change his mind.  


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe Jake was taking the coward's way out by calling Marley instead of showing up at her house. But he thought it might be better for her to have time to think about what he was going to tell her, instead of making her deal with it up front.  _I could have sent her a text or an email,_  he thought, nervously drumming his hand against his knee.  _That would have been way more cowardly._

"Mar," he said, when she picked up. "I - there's something we need to talk about."

She gave an uneasy laugh. "Well, that doesn't sound good. You think I'm going to need a box of tissues or a baseball bat?"

"Um... maybe both." He sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be dramatic, but something's happened and I didn't realize how much I'd messed up until, like, this afternoon."

"Okay." Marley paused, then added, "Do you just want me to forgive you up front, so it won't feel so stressful?"

"Mar." He took a deep breath. "I don't think you can do that. I mean... you might not forgive me for this."

"Yeah, but if I kind of make an agreement with myself that whatever you say, I'm going to forgive you, doesn't that take some of the pressure off?"

He leaned on the handlebars of his bike, walking it up the street in no particular direction, feeling too confused to climb on. "But how can you know you'll forgive me until you hear what I did?"

"Whatever it is, I bet I can forgive you. Maybe you ate some girl's liver, I don't know." He could hear her making a face. "You - didn't do that, did you?"

"Uh, no. No, I didn't." His voice dropped into something approximating awed. "You would forgive me for  _that?"_

"I'm just trying to think of the most heinous crime possible, Jake, but... honestly? I trust you. If you did something bad, you probably had a good reason."

He let out a shaky chuckle. "What if the reason was just  _I'm a big jerk?"_

"Well, I guess I could live with that. At least I wouldn't be dating a cannibal."

Jake put a hand to his mouth to keep his goddamn wobbly jaw steady. "And there's the reason I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby. Now you'd better tell me before I really start freaking out, because as you can tell, my imagination's way worse than whatever it is you actually did."

He went through a couple of long inhalations and exhalations, and she cleared her throat.

"... Right?" she added, in a small voice.

"I promise I didn't eat anybody's liver," said Jake. "But I've kind of... been doing stuff. With somebody else. And I thought it didn't count, but... it turns out it does."

"Oh," said Marley. "It does."

"Yeah," he said heavily. "It does a lot. And I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for it to... to count."

"Okay." She was quiet for a while. "So, um, can you explain how it wouldn't have counted in the first place? Because I think you know how I feel about sex and... I think it all kind of  _counts,_  Jake."

"I know. I know you do, and I did too? I mean, I didn't want to do this wrong with you, because you're so great, and I love you so much..." He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the fist of self-recrimination grinding him into the pavement. "You don't have to believe me, but I really didn't think I was cheating on you when I was doing it."

"Because she's long distance? Online?" Marley didn't sound hurt yet, but Jake knew it was coming, and when it hit, it would be worse than her being angry. He owed it to her to give her all of it, and then give her space to deal.

"No, he. He's in town." Before the pronoun could fully sink in, he pushed out, "It's Ryder."

"Oh!" She laughed. She actually  _laughed._  "Oh my god, Jake. Really?"

"Yeah, that was kind of my thought," he agreed. " _Really?_  Because how  _not_ into guys am I?"

"Not as  _not_  as you thought you were, apparently."

He stood there, baffled, listening to her smother her giggles over the phone. "Marley, what -"

"Jake, I'm - surprised, okay, yes, but... I guess I expected a lot worse. It's just that this is really not the kind of thing I would hate you forever about, anyway. You and Ryder, you're both... I think you're the sweetest boys I've ever met, and together you're -" She paused.

"We're  _what?"_  he demanded.

"Sorry, got lost a little in that image. Really, you're kind of adorable."

Jake flushed hot, but he smiled. "God, Mar."

"Now hang on a minute," she said sternly. "Let me stress I am  _not_  happy about this development. Not even a little bit."

"Yeah, I can tell. You're totally pissed at me. It's just that I never got to this part, imagining what might happen after I told you, and..." He swallowed. "I can't think how you'd ever be okay with this."

"I'm not. I'm not okay with it. But I didn't say I wouldn't ever be."

"You... really?"

Now she actually  _did_  sound a little pissed. "God, I don't know, Jake. I'm completely beyond any metaphor for how I feel here. But when I thought about you being with  _anybody_  else, I got completely sick to my stomach? Until you said  _Ryder,_  and then I was, like,  _oh, phew, okay then._  So if you can tell me what that means, I'll be able to move on from here."

The feelings of relief and hope were impossible to separate, and Jake latched on to the latter in the midst of a wave of the former. "I just assumed you'd be breaking up with me right about now."

"Yeah, I really don't think I see myself doing that today. Because breaking up with somebody because you're mad, that's not really all that rational? If I'm going to break up with you, it's going to happen when I'm completely calm." The last couple words Marley spoke came out broken, and Jake felt his heart breaking along with them.

"I'm..." He stopped in the middle of the road, struggling to maintain control of his bike with only one hand on the handlebars. Any cars that came along could fucking go around him. "I'm just so sorry, Mar."

"I believe you. Now, I really hope you're on your way over here, because I think I need to cry a lot, and I'd really rather do that in your arms than alone in my bed."

That was enough motivation to keep him moving forward, no matter how snotty his nose was or how stupid he probably looked, crying into his phone. "I'll be there in ten minutes. Less if I can manage to get back on this bike."

She sniffed. "I think I'd rather you stay on the line with me, even if it takes you longer. If that's okay."

"That's really okay," he promised. "I just don't know what else to say."

"Are you kidding? You just delivered the cliffhanger movie trailer of the season. I want the whole movie. Come on. Don't tell me you're going to stop telling me everything just because you're fooling around with Ryder."

With a giddy sense of unreality, Jake stumbled through the last couple weeks, beginning with the information he'd gleaned from the rumor mill about Blaine and Kurt's bros-helping-bros, his subsequent conversation with Ryder, and their first encounter in Ryder's bathroom. Whatever face Marley presented to the world about being a prude, Jake knew with certainty that wasn't true, but she still had to pry every detail out of him, interjecting periodic reassurance that  _yes,_ she wanted to know. By the time he reached her driveway, he'd told her way more than he'd expected to tell  _anybody_  about what he and Ryder had done together.

"I'm here," Jake said, dumping his bike on the front lawn. He shook out the cramp his hand had developed, pushing his bike one-handed.

"Okay. I'm coming to the door. I think I can deal with you hanging up now."

Jake didn't even have time to tuck his phone into the pocket of his hoodie before Marley was pushing the screen door open, her sweet face red and blotchy from crying. He guessed he didn't look much better. She just folded herself into his arms, making herself small and letting him hold on as hard as he wanted.

"I think you'd better call Ryder," she whispered, brushing wet strands of hair out of her face. "I don't think I can handle talking to him yet, but I'll be ready by the time he gets here, and... I just keep imagining him sitting at home, alone, worrying about what comes next."

Jake kissed her cheek. "What  _does_  come next?"

Marley's laugh was definitely bordering on hysterical. "I have no idea. You?"

"Zero," he agreed. "But if you still want me around, I definitely don't want to leave."

Watching her watching him call Ryder was about the most nervewracking thing he'd ever done, worse than auditioning for Glee or talking to his dad. But he didn't lose it, not even when Ryder picked up in the middle of the first ring and said immediately, "Please tell me you haven't changed your mind."

"No. No, I -" He cleared his throat. "Marley wants you to come over."

"Oh, god. She's totally going to beat me up, isn't she?" Ryder was definitely panicking. "Fuck, I'm so crappy at hand-to-hand."

"She's not going to beat you up," Jake protested, and Marley covered her mouth, eyes glistening up at him. "We've got a reprieve."

"A what?"

"Like, when you're under sentence for some crime, and then you get pardoned. We've got amnesty. For now." He breathed a little more easily, with Marley there in his arms, not hating him.

"Wow." Ryder sounded bewildered. "Um... you remember what you said earlier, about - not keeping your hands off me?"

The idea of touching Ryder at the same time he was holding his girlfriend was almost more than Jake could handle, but he replied, "Yeah, I actually think that might be okay too."

"Jesus, Jake. What did you  _do?"_

He laughed a little, pressing his moist cheek to Marley's hair. "Not a damn thing. Whatever's going on, you can thank Marley for it, because I'm still struggling with basic coping skills here."

Marley met his gaze. "May I?" she gestured at the phone, and when Jake nodded, she leaned in to speak. "Ryder, just come over, okay? I'm not going to hurt you. Let's just talk about this? Please?"

Jake heard Ryder's forced exhalation. "Uh - yeah. Yeah, okay, I'll come over. I just have to ask Mrs. Price to come over and watch my sisters. Tell her I'll be there as soon as I can."

"We'll be here," Jake said.

It was hard to hear Ryder hang up, not knowing exactly how long that would be, but he figured he could stand a little uncertainty. Jake stuffed his phone into his pocket, then linked arms with Marley and nudged her back toward the house.

"Whatever happens," he said, "I just want you to know how totally impressed I am with you right now. And most of the time, actually."

"I can handle being impressive," she agreed, leaning into him again. "What I can't handle is writing you guys off just because I'm scared. So thanks for indulging me, I think."

He propped open the screen door to let her inside, shaking his head. "Anytime."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, for now, but I could easily write more smutty chapters if people want them. Enjoy!   
> \- amy

 

They waited on the stairs for Ryder to arrive. When the front door bell rang, Jake stood up immediately, then sat back down again. Marley sighed, brushing her hair back from her face.

"Go ahead. It doesn't matter." But then, as he stood up again, she held up a hand and said, "Wait -"

"I don't have to," Jake said. Marley nodded, took a deep breath, then stood.

"I think he needs to see me first."

She opened the door, standing there for a moment, looking through the screen. The door was in the way, so Jake couldn't see Ryder's face, but he could see Marley smile, then laugh, and push the door open for him. "Come on," she said, making a little  _bring-it_  gesture with her fingers. From her it wasn't anything close to intimidating, but Jake didn't figure she meant it to be.

"Mar," Ryder said, his voice hushed. She hugged him there behind the door for a long time, but Jake stayed on the stairs. He told himself he wasn't hiding, but it was a fucking lie, because whatever was going to happen next it was going to change things completely for all of them. Jake knew he was just as terrified as Ryder had sounded on the phone.

"I don't really have much to say," she said, "but you know I love Jake, and I love you too, you big jerk." She stepped backwards into view, holding Ryder's hand and pulling him into the foyer. "And it sounds like, from what Jake's been telling me, that you guys have some feelings for each other."

Ryder looked completely lost. "I -"

"Yeah," said Jake. He was too far away to touch Ryder, but he hung onto his gaze until Ryder looked away. "Yeah, we do. I mean, I do. That's kind of what tipped me off."

Ryder was grinning, but now he didn't seem able to make eye contact with anybody. "Shit," he muttered, his face as red as his shirt, glancing between the floor and the stairs and back again.

"Come on," Marley said. She held out a hand to Jake, and together they walked into the living room. When Marley sat on the floor, cross-legged, Jake joined her. Ryder looked like he'd rather sit across the room, but he joined them too, their knees not quite touching to form a triangle, hunching over like he'd already been hit in the stomach.

Marley was watching him solemnly. "You guys thought that fooling around behind my back was okay. Can you explain that?"

"Not really," said Ryder. He leaned his elbows on his knees, staring imploringly at Marley. "I wish I could say I thought that was all it was, for me."

"You always had feelings for Jake," she prompted. He nodded, wincing.

"We're being honest, right? Well, when I heard about Kurt and Blaine, all that about bros helping bros, I wondered - about Sam and Blaine, if they would do that. And then Jake - um."

"He told me the whole story already," she said steadily. "Go on."

Ryder still wasn't looking at him. "Jake kissed me in the bathroom. That was - well, more than I ever thought I'd get, honestly. So if we could, if he  _wanted_  to, I wasn't going to say no. But then I started to feel bad. Because - because you don't deserve to be cheated on, Mar."

"You're damn right I don't." She didn't sound mad. It was more like she was talking to a little kid, the way she was being so gentle and calm. "Okay. So you guys were fooling around because... because you were frustrated? Because you were single, Ryder, and because I wasn't... doing stuff with you, Jake?"

Jake nodded. He felt wretched. Marley sighed again, nodding back.

"I wasn't trying to be unfair to you, telling you no," she said. "I just didn't feel ready. I still don't. I don't know if that means I never will feel ready, like, we're not compatible? Or maybe someday I will decide I want to do the things you wanted to do at Mr Schue's wedding." She cocked her head at Jake, looking at him hard. "I just know you guys  _already did_  a bunch of those things. And I guess you liked them? With each other?"

"I did," said Ryder. He bit his lip.

"Me, too," Jake agreed. Now Ryder looked up at him. His face was crumpling, near tears.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I should have just told you how I felt. I just didn't want to risk our friendship. I didn't know you - that you wanted -"

"I didn't know either, man," said Jake. He wanted to hug him, wanted to tell him it was okay while he touched him, but he wasn't sure what that would do to this equilateral triangle they were sitting in. "I didn't know, until we were already doing it."

"See, this is what I was talking about," Marley said, like it was an ordinary conversation. "You weren't being a jerk. You didn't do this on purpose. You really thought it was going to be okay."

"And it's not," said Ryder. Regretfully, she shook her head.

"No. It's not. Maybe someday it'll be okay. I'm hurt, but I still love both of you. I want you to be happy." She knelt forward, pulling Jake toward her, and he went into her arms without even thinking about it. Then she kissed him. When she pushed him away, her face was determined. "I think you guys should be together."

"Mar," he said. She shook her head again, more firmly this time.

"I mean it. I'm not ready for a physical relationship with you, Jake. If I kept asking you to wait for me, knowing you were okay waiting, I wouldn't have felt bad about that. But you don't want to wait for Ryder. You want to be with him, right now. I  _want_  you to have that. I'm not going to stand in your way."

She crawled over to kneel in front of Ryder, taking his hand and pulling him toward Jake. He could see Ryder's defenses breaking down as she spoke. By the time Ryder adjusted his seat to be close enough for his knee to bump Jake's, he'd clearly abandoned any thought of saying no to Marley. Jake could have told him to give up  _that_  idea from the start.

"So you're going to do that for me," she continued, placing Ryder's hand on Jake's leg. "Be together. Be happy. I'm not going to stop being your friend, either one of you. You're not going to feel guilty for wanting each other, any more than I'm going to feel guilty for not being ready to have sex with you."

"Okay?" Jake watched Marley's face closely, but she looked like she was done with crying for now. "This... seems kind of unfair to you."

"I'll miss kissing you," she admitted. "But I can deal."

Ryder smiled tentatively at her. "I don't mind you guys kissing."

Her return smile was generous. "You don't have to say that. I already told Jake I'm not ready for anything that complicated, any more than I was ready to go further with him. Just let me take my own time, and I'll be happy for you guys, okay? I mean, I might feel jealous, but I love you more than that." She touched Ryder's face. "I don't think I'd feel okay about this if it were  _anybody_  else, but... it's you. And Jake. And you and Jake, wanting to kiss each other, that's kind of wonderful."

Ryder reached out one hand and touched Jake's, his face flushed deep red. "Yeah?" he said, and the question was for Marley, but he was looking at Jake.

"Yeah," said Jake, trying to breathe.

"Oh, kiss him," Marley begged. They both startled, staring at her, and she laughed. "It's like a romance movie where they're waiting and waiting to make a move, and I just can't  _wait_  any longer. Please?"

Ryder smiled at Jake, laughing, his eyebrows high. "Uh - okay?"

Jake could see this going very, very wrong, but he had to trust Marley that she knew what she was asking for. So far she'd never asked for something she  _hadn't_  wanted. And this? He could do this. Even if it was embarrassing and terrifying. He reached forward and hooked Ryder's head with one hand, pulling him closer, and rested his lips on his forehead for a brief moment. Ryder chuckled breathlessly.

"Tease," Marley snapped, swatting his shoulder. "Come  _on._  You're not going to break me."

This time it was Ryder who grabbed Jake's face in both hands, kissing him more firmly. It still felt like a performance, but when Ryder tried to sit back, he didn't let him go very far, giving him that hug he'd been wanting to lay on him since Ryder had stepped into Marley's house.

"You really want to do this?" Jake asked.

"I wanted to do this before I knew it was something you wanted," Ryder replied shakily. "Fuck, yeah, I want to do this."

It wasn't quite enough. Jake clutched him tighter. "Like, in front of everybody? At school?"

"You're asking me if I care if anybody knows I'm with you? Sam and Blaine already know. Marley knows." He rested against Jake's shoulder. "You really think anybody else is going to care?"

"I think my mom might care," Marley said, making a face. "Sorry. I'm not saying you should stop, but you might want to be aware of that if you're around her at school. It might take me a while to explain it to her, and for her to believe I'm okay with it."

"The guys on the football team," Jake added. Ryder rolled his eyes toward the ceiling.

"You think I care about  _them?_  Kurt and Dave, they paved the way for us. Blaine's out at school, and nobody harrasses him. If he can do it, we can too."

"Yeah, and Brittany was out with Santana, right?" Marley looked thoughtful, leaning against Jake on the other side. He put an arm around her and pulled her close, and she didn't object. "I should talk to her."

Jake closed his eyes, trying to appreciate exactly what he had in his arms, before turning to Marley and kissing her cheek. She smiled, maybe a little sadly, one hand on his chest, and nodded at Ryder. When Ryder kissed her other cheek, though, she giggled.

"Okay, maybe I could get used to that," she said.

She stood, helping them both up from the floor, and they each hugged her separately before she led them to the door.

"You think you could call me, if you're feeling too sad?" Jake asked her. After a moment, she nodded.

"I'm on the side of all of us being happy," she told him. "I think this is the best way. Are you going to trust me?"

"Yeah," said Ryder, before Jake could answer. "You're definitely the smart one."

They walked out hand in hand, which felt strange enough, but when Jake bent to retrieve his bike, Ryder said, "Wait." He grasped Jake's arms, staring at him for several long moments, long enough for Jake to squirm and look away.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Just... you." Ryder smiled, and it was so goddamn beautiful that Jake smiled back. "You told Marley the truth. For us. You really want this with me, for real?"

"Yeah." Jake nodded, still anxious, but sure about that, at least. "Yeah, I want this with you. I didn't think it was going to be this easy. I was still going to do it, though."

"That's really fucking amazing," said Ryder faintly. Jake wasn't sure if he was going to fall over or something. He let Ryder hang onto his arms until he looked like he could handle standing on his own. "I - I should get home. It's time for dinner. But..." He smiled again, hopefully now. "You offered company, earlier. You could come over after dinner."

"Yeah," Jake said, not bothering to hide his eagerness. "That sounds great."

It wasn't exactly like nothing had changed. Jake thought about it as he biked home, taking the hills at top speed, pumping all the way. He decided there were two things that were different. One had to do with how he and Ryder were going to be in front of other people. It wasn't like he was all about the PDA, but it was definitely going to spark some questions if he started snuggling with Ryder at school or something. He was a little nervous about that, but if Ryder was ready to face it, he was determined to face it too.

The other was harder to put his finger on, but the more he thought about it, the warmer he felt inside. It was a warmth that wasn't quenched by his regret at Marley's decision, nor his anxiety about being public with their relationship at school. He parked his bike in the garage, and walked into the house, holding the warmth close in his chest.

His mom was sitting at the kitchen table, rummaging in her purse. "Jake, have you seen my checkbook?"

"Mom," he said.

"I thought I left it on top of the fridge, but it's not there now. Did you move it?"

"Mom," he said again, with more force the second time. She looked up, then set her purse down, watching him curiously.

"What?"

He opened his mouth, then shut it again, wondering if he was ever going to get the stupid smile off his face when he thought about Ryder. But he'd told three other people today starting with Sam, then Ryder, and then Marley. He could tell his mom.

"Marley broke up with me."

"Oh, honey." Her full attention was on him now. "I'm sorry to hear that. You, um..." She tilted her head. "You don't look too upset about that?"

"We're okay. I mean, I think she's sad, and I'm a little sad too, but... she decided to break up with me so I could be with... somebody else. I'm in love with somebody else."

"Oh." She was surprised. "Is this somebody I've met? At school?"

"Mom, it's Ryder." He closed his eyes, feeling the words changing him inside. "I'm in love with Ryder."

When he opened them again, she was still staring at him, both hands slack and resting on the table. "Jake?"

"It's been going on for a while," he went on. "I don't think I realized it until we'd - until after we were already, uh." He wasn't sure his mom would understand bros helping bros, especially considering how much time alone he and Ryder had spent in his room in the past couple weeks. "I just wanted you to know."

She smiled, still looking a little bewildered. "Um - it's just a little surprising. I had no idea you were - that you liked - ?"

"Yeah, me either? I guess I don't know what that makes me, exactly. I don't think I like any other guys like that. But I really like Ryder."

"And he likes you?" she asked. He nodded. His smile was a little out of control. She took a long breath, coming around the table to hug him. "Oh... Jake."

"I hope you're not too disappointed," he said. She squeezed him hard.

"Honey, I'm just worried. I know what you had with Marley was really special to you. I'd hate to see you throw that away for - something that wasn't."

"I'm not," he promised. "It is. It's really special to me. I was ready to make a choice, when I told Marley about Ryder. She was great about it, but... I want to do this thing with him. It's what I want, really."

"All right," she said. "I believe you. You seem very certain."

They didn't talk about it again until after dinner, when Jake asked if he could go over to Ryder's house. His mom's expression was definitely skeptical.

"Does Ryder's mom know what's going on between the two of you?" she asked.

"Uh... I don't know?" He thought about it, her willingness to give them privacy, her friendliness of him spending so much time at their house. "Maybe. But we'll tell her. We don't want it to be a secret anymore."

His mom finally decided that he could go over to Ryder's house as long as they promised to tell his mom before they closed the door to his room. When Jake pointed out it wasn't like anybody could get pregnant or anything, she laughed, shaking her head, and told him he was right - but she still made him promise to tell Ryder's mom.

Jake sent a text on his way out the door.  _I told my mom._

_Dude,_  came Ryder's reply.  _Your not kidding around are you._

He didn't send an answer. He was pretty sure he'd be able to do it better in person.

* * *

Monday at school was anticlimactic, mostly because Jake and Ryder had both changed their status on Facebook on Saturday to  _in a relationship with_. As soon as Marley had posted happy responses on both their walls, the news had been spread without them having to do much else about it. They got a few dirty looks in the hall at school, but mostly people seemed more curious than disgusted.

They were approached by a daring freshman at lunch, separating from his crowd like an emissary. "Are you guys, you know," he asked, " _... gay?"_

Ryder looked down at his hand, holding Jake's. "Does it matter?"

"I was just wondering," he muttered. Jake squeezed Ryder's hand.

"I don't know what I am," he said. "I like girls. Ryder does, too. But we like each other."

The freshman nodded with big eyes, which only got bigger as Blaine approached them in line. He seemed pleased to see them, but his expression was hard to read.

"I saw on Facebook." He glanced at the freshman, who'd returned to his group and wasn't looking at them anymore. "Is anyone giving you a hard time?"

"Not yet," said Ryder. "I think we've got enough social cred to get through this. Or maybe it's just the honeymoon period, I don't know. We'll find out."

"Well, you let me know, okay? Me, or Sam. We're not going to let anything happen to you. Santana's Bullywhips may be defunct, but that kind of bullying isn't -"

"Blaine," Jake cut in, and Blaine stopped talking. "We're okay."

"Yeah, and another thing? You don't have to know what word you want to call yourself yet. Don't let anybody else choose it for you." He was getting pretty worked up, his face flushed and breathing hard. Ryder glanced at Jake.

"I think we're cool. Is - are  _you_  okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Blaine took a deep breath. "I'm just -" He reached out and hugged Jake suddenly, pulling him off-balance. "I'm really happy for you guys."

"Thanks." The word came out a little strangled, but Blaine let him go and he could breathe again. He smiled at Blaine. "Really. You've kind of been of our inspiration."

"Yeah, you, uh, said." Blaine smiled faintly back. "You've kind of been ours."

Jake didn't exactly know what he meant by that, but he figured it was safe to thank him. They didn't get clarification about the comment until after Glee, when Sam cornered him and suggested they do some lifting in the weight room. Jake had a guess that meant Sam wanted to talk about something.

It took a little while, after they'd put the weights on the bar and moved through several rotations, before Sam cleared his throat. "The other day, when you... told me about you and Ryder."

"Yeah?"

Sam leaned in closer. "I'd, uh, assumed you were straight."

"Yeah, I assumed I was too. I guess I can't really call myself that anymore, huh?"

"Not so much," Sam agreed. He pressed his lips together. "Not... so much myself, either."

Jake tried to look surprised. "No?"

Sam leaned back on the weight bench. "Well," he said, between reps, "that whole idea, of bros helping bros? It was kind of... inspirational. To me. About Blaine?"

"How about that." Jake waited to see if Sam had more to say, but that appeared to be it. "Are you saying that you guys are doing that now? Bros helping bros?"

"No, no. I mean, when I  _thought_  about doing that with Blaine? That's when I realized it was more than just feelings."

"More than - feelings?"

"Well, yeah. All the feelings stuff -" He gestured dismissively. "- I already knew I felt  _that._  It was the physical stuff that was confusing me. Because I thought I was straight, and a guy couldn't be straight  _except for_  one guy, could he?"

Jake smiled. "Maybe."

"See, yeah, that's what I'm saying," Sam said with enthusiasm. "So once that got cleared up, I went and talked to Britt, and she gave us the green light."

"Oh." He eyed him for about a minute before asking, "Really? She said it was okay for you and Blaine to -"

"Yeah." Sam looked remarkably calm about this. "I think we're going to keep it kind of quiet, though. Because Blaine's still trying to get back with Kurt, you know? I wouldn't want to get in the way of that."

Jake considered this. "You don't want Blaine all to yourself?"

"Well, maybe? But there's Britt, too. I don't think we're anywhere close to knowing what we want. It's just, you know." He shrugged. "New."

"But... good?" Jake couldn't help asking.

Sam's smile was incandescent. He laughed. "Fuck, yeah."

Jake wasn't sure what kind of thing to say in response, so he settled on  _congratulations,_  and that seemed good enough for Sam.

* * *

The first time Ryder's sisters tried teasing them about holding hands, Jake stopped them and said, "Do you know what homophobia is?"

"No," said Emma, or possibly Karen. They were dressed alike today, and he couldn't always tell them apart.

"When you treat somebody bad just because they like somebody of the same sex."

Karen, or maybe Emma, made a face. "That's dumb," she said. "We'd treat Ryder bad no matter who he liked."

Jake had a hard time arguing with that logic, but he attempted to negotiate with them anyway. "Can you be a little nicer, at least? Somebody might think you're being homophobic."

Karen and Emma looked at each other and shrugged. "Okay."

After that, it was pretty much business as usual at Ryder's house. Sometimes Marley still came over and hung out too, but mostly it was just Jake and Ryder. Sometimes they made out and fooled around, and sometimes they only did friend stuff. All of it was good.

Marley turned to Jake one day while they were working on their midterm papers for English. "Ever been on a triple date?"

Ryder looked up, looking mystified. "You know we haven't."

She twirled her pencil. "Want to go on one?"

"Wait, you mean with three couples? Or three people?"

"Three couples. Kind of."

"I'm assuming you've already set this up?" Jake put down his book. "With who?"

"You and Ryder," said Marley, her smile broadening, "and Blaine and Sam, and Britt and me."

"Ah." Ryder nodded. "You and Britt are the  _kind of."_

Marley gave an elaborate shrug, still smiling. "Kind of."

"Okay, now, just a second," Jake began, but Marley was already laughing. He threw a couch pillow at her. "What the hell?"

"Come on, you're  _really_  not allowed to say anything about trying out something new," she said. "Britt asked. I said yes. Well, last week. This week we thought it might be fun to include you -"

" _Last_  week?" Jake protested. "The two of you went out last week? And you waited this long to say anything?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?  _You're_ going to say that to  _me?"_

"Okay, but that was - never mind, you're right. Forget it. Just, wow!" Jake stared at Marley, shaking his head. She began to giggle.

"Let me guess," she said. "You're thinking about us kissing."

He considered denying it, but figured there was no point. "Something like that," he admitted.

Ryder looked like he was trying to hide his smile as he reached out to hug her. "Way to go, Mar," he murmured.

"Hey," she said breezily, "it's just a case of sistahs helping sistahs."


End file.
